Did I happen to mention that since our return from our winter travelling, we moved into a two-bedroom, 600 square foot apartment with one bathroom? Our Anchorage home was not selling, so we decided to continue to rent it as a vacation rental back in February, and we left all our furniture behind in order to set up house in Homer in an available apartment in a six-plex we own. Using many of the items from the trailer we travelled around in we made our “temporary” home. Foam mats have been our beds on the floor up until a couple of weeks ago when we purchased some beds and a futon/couch. I set up a card table for our dining table, but it sagged in the middle and glasses kept tipping over, so we eventually swapped it out for a real table that is in slightly rough condition but keeps all things level. Dancing on one leg outside of the bathroom door is a common scene in our house as we learn to wait our turn for the bathroom– only we have to instruct everyone to “dance quietly” since we are now neighbors with people living above us and below us.
Not knowing how long we are planning to stay here, I decided against getting internet wired into our apartment and opted for a mobile internet device that I can take anywhere with us and can connect up to five devices to. It takes care of our basic needs to check email, blog, facebook, and craigslist. But it can be heard from time to time in this house: “Someone is using up all the bandwidth!!” Suddenly the internet blacks out, and someone is left with a frozen computer screen. It’s like the end of the known world! “I was just about to download this video!” or “I can’t get on Craigslist!!” is followed by: “Who is on the internet??? Please turn off your wi-fi!!” Yes, waiting is difficult.
The truth of the matter is that sharing space means a lot of compromises. Compromises that even I have to adjust to. Life for us right now does not hold a lot of certainties. Employment and location of home are not yet settled, so I feel unsettled and restless. I keep myself occupied homeschooling the kids and even setting goals for myself musically as I prepare to release another album, but I have to admit that I am doing alot of adjusting and growing weary of waiting on some answers.
I am reminded in this season of life about the story of Moses and the Children of Israel from Exodus 24-32. God called Moses up to the top of Mt. Sinai where he allowed Moses to see his glory and then he gave him specific instructions for the Children of Israel–The Ten Commandments. The problem for the Israelites was a sense of restlessness and uncertainty waiting for Moses to come back down the mountain. I mean, it was cool and all that Moses got to talk to God, but did he have to take such a long time in getting back to them? They were in a wilderness, it wasn’t exactly “home” and they needed something to give them comradary and bring them all together with a sense of purpose. Waiting for God was just not feasible in their minds.
Their decision? Gather up gold from among themselves and make a golden calf to worship and party around. They needed a reason to explain their situation and make it feel comfortable. God and Moses took too much time and they needed some social activities to boost the morale! Furthermore, if Moses happened to have died while up there on that mountain, it would be okay, because they had their spiritual life covered. The golden calf would fill the gap, meet the need, and be a portable icon for the rest of their journey.
This story reminds me that there are no quick fixes or substitutions for God’s plan. When I am tempted to make my own way, my temptations lead me on a lonely path where “I do it myself”. My thoughts become full of independence and very little on dependence on the Lord. In many ways I am no different than a restless, homeless generation wanting to belong. So I have to discipline myself to “wait”.
Isaiah 40:27-41 (New International Version)
27 Why do you complain, Jacob?
Why do you say, Israel,
“My way is hidden from the LORD;
my cause is disregarded by my God”?
28 Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
I am grateful for sunny days when the kids can play outside. I am grateful for uninterrupted internet. I am thankful for the “white noise” app on my ipod touch that helps me to drown out the sounds of neighbor dogs, trucks and people in order to sleep at night. And I am thankful for a God who sustains me in this season of waiting.
If you see me restless, impatient and frustrated, (because you might), would you please help me by reminding me to “wait”?